Nothing much changed in the past few months. I was doing almost the same things. Applying for job opportunities, occasionally posting something on YouTube when an idea hits me, meeting my friends and exploring my romantic conquests. I cannot complain about all of it except for job opportunities because I haven’t found a suitable option yet, also about my financial situation. The new corona situation hasn’t exactly left me high and dry but overall, there is a bit of stress; it’s the future that I am worried about… When it comes to exploring my opportunities in building a career in creative field, I find myself going back and forth through my options these days, or I see myself very unstable when I try to focus on many things all at once. Is it just me? Or you feel it too? I am trying hard to solve it these days!
I don’t have a timetable when it comes to posting updates on my platforms. I show up here, on YouTube or in front of my sketchbook when I feel like it. I hadn’t tried to push myself to do something, it simply feels difficult and unauthentic. Maybe it is just me. But I can imagine the amount of confusion it can make, whether I am serious about my projects or not! (I am very serious about it.) I am working on a plan to properly do things in regular intervals. But there is still this difficulty of doing many things, all at once. It is a part of the process and I understand it anyway.
I think most of my stories come from my experiences. On one hand, I am sort of afraid to spill myself on paper, I pull myself back from opening up way too much and on the other hand, I want to do it for better storytelling. Stories always feel more authentic when you add ‘a little bit of yourself’ in them and the more you connect them with yourself, the more you feel they are original, the more the reader like them, except a messy journal like this where you find a bundle of words scattered all over the place. I would say, maybe don’t take me as an example…
I constantly get this question that why don’t I talk about ‘Architecture’ in my videos or writings since I am an architect. I think, what I said above would be the answer to it. I have to say, I do like architecture and its nooks and corners but I wouldn’t say I have a lot to offer with it or it brings me the same satisfaction I get when I talk about my struggles in life. I am motivated by the intensity of life, or it feels like it. I choose topics like lifestyle, mental clarity or philosophy to interpret life and to focus on a large audience, not just a few who are interested in architecture because I want to inspire many and there is definitely the part of me who wants to succeed. And what drives me forward to study architecture is my passion for ‘creating something new’. Maybe it will shift one day; not creativity but the interest in a particular topic like architecture. Creativity is a drug that helps me move forward! I know it is the same for many!
There is still a conflict going inside my head for not setting my priorities. I rethink my options as everyone else.
Is someone gonna watch my videos? Is someone gonna read my posts? Am I too ugly to be in front of a camera? Are my life stories too boring for other people? Is there a quick way to make money? Should I just focus on one thing and forget the rest so that I can do well by not draining myself? Should I change my career path? Am I ever gonna find enough people to watch my content? And many more!
Maybe I am doing a mistake. maybe I am not listening to the call or maybe I am not reading the clues in front of me; there are many any possibilities but there is only one solution for that now, that is to go forward regardless of my doubts. Eventually, I will figure things out, I will find solutions and that time, there will be other questions in the list. But isn’t it what we call the sweet life! So, that’s what I am doing now. I don’t have a clue about what works out and whatnot, but I have enough time in my hands and guts to never give up after failing at something once or twice. I guess, I need a plan or two and I am good to go! What about you?
[to be continued…]
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